Read Part 2
Which group are you in?
Life is a work in progress and it’s so important to allow yourself the opportunity to stop and appreciate how far you’ve come.
To demonstrate this concept of a “work in progress”, in the book “On Grief and Grieving” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler write,
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal, and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.”
This one paragraph is an empowering way of looking at your grief. It completely removes the pressure of having to be “over it” within a certain period of time.
So now, instead of being in the second group where you have no idea of how long the grieving process will last for, or group three where you think it might just be a few years, you can be in group one. In group one you now know what to expect –the grief will be a part of you forever - and from this base you can then set an outcome for how you would like your life to be.
You can think about that right now. Take a few minutes to close your eyes and imagine your life the way you would like it to be. However much you can imagine right now is right where you need to be. It could be that you want to be able to talk about your child without bursting in to tears, or you want to feel a sense of peace again in the morning when you wake up, or even that you’d like to write a book about your child so that others may learn from your experience. In thinking about an outcome, you are taking a step forward and that’s a good thing.
How can an NLP practitioner help you?
Imagine you have decided to go interstate. Depending on how far you have to go and the amount of time you have available to travel you decide whether you will drive, go by train (if the train goes where you want to go) or fly. You decide to fly because you want to get to your destination quickly, with a minimum of fuss and have more time to enjoy being at your destination. So you log on to one of the travel websites to book a flight. First you enter your origin (where you are right now) and then your destination (where you want to go) and then you choose which airline you want to fly with.
This process seems so obvious when booking a trip, yet in our own lives we often don’t even think of applying this type of process.
An NLP practitioner will look at each situation individually. The common element is grief, but how does that grief affect you? This is the first step – defining the problem. Once this is clear then the next step is to decide where you would like to be, how you would like your life to look – this is the destination.
Once you are clear on the origin and the destination, the NLP practitioner will work with you to create a plan on how you can get from where you are to where you want to be. Throughout this process a variety of techniques will be used to create and support new ways of thinking and new behaviours that are empowering and provide you with more choice in your life.
Imagine a life where through your grief you are able to experience joy again, while still honouring the memory of your child.
© 2005 – Helena Denley
Following the unexpected death of her daughter Isabella, Helena felt she needed more than what the traditional forms of bereavement care offered her. After extensive research into various alternative modalities, she discovered the power of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).
Helena is now a Master Practitioner of NLP, Ericksonian Hypnosis and Neurological Re-patterning™, as well as a Master Results Coach.