Grief - The greatest sadness or biggest opportunity for change? Part 2
Read Part 1 first
What is NLP?
NLP was initially created in the early 1970’s by Richard Bandler (whose background was in mathematics and gestalt therapy) and John Grinder (whose background was in linguistics). They began modeling and duplicating the amazing results of a few top communicators and therapists. Some of the first therapists they studied included Hypnotherapist Milton Erickson, Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls and Family therapist Virginia Satir.
A simple explanation of NLP is that it is the relationship between the mind (neuro) and language (linguistic) and how the combination of the two affects our body and behaviour (programming).
For any person that truly desires a change in their life it’s important to understand that our mindset is crucial in achieving our goals. Lets take a simple example like cooking. If you hate it, what are you thinking about – perhaps it takes up too much time, you feel like a slave etc. If you love it, what are you thinking about – the opportunity to create amazing food, the enjoyment of sharing a meal with your family. It’s the same task yet your past experiences with it and your current feeling about it will determine whether you hate it or love it – in short, your mindset determines your outcome.
What is your desired outcome?
How would you like to be able to:
When a child dies, there can be feelings of denial, sadness, anger, guilt, fear, relief, anxiety, abandonment or a sense of aloneness. These feelings can be very strong and can leave people confused and unable to manage everyday life. You may even begin to question the meaning of your own life after losing your child. In looking for answers you may feel very isolated from others who do not seem to understand or be able to help.
The importance of knowing where you’re headed
A study was once done on three groups of army personnel who were in relatively the same physical condition and were required to run the exact same ten-mile course. The first group was told they would be running ten miles and along the way they had one-mile markers. The second group was never told how far they would have to run and they had no markers. The last group was told they only had to run five miles. When they reached their five-mile mark, they were told they had five more to go – very cruel indeed. They weren’t being asked for anything more physically rigorous than the other groups, yet their expectations were completely different.
It isn’t difficult to imagine which group performed the best. The entire first group crossed the finish line, some with energy to spare. Several people from the second group did not make it. Having no idea what would be required of them or how to pace themselves, they were unprepared for the long haul. The third group did fine until they reached what they thought was the end, only to be told they still had a long way to go. Several of them dropped out.
Continue to Part 3
What is NLP?
NLP was initially created in the early 1970’s by Richard Bandler (whose background was in mathematics and gestalt therapy) and John Grinder (whose background was in linguistics). They began modeling and duplicating the amazing results of a few top communicators and therapists. Some of the first therapists they studied included Hypnotherapist Milton Erickson, Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls and Family therapist Virginia Satir.
A simple explanation of NLP is that it is the relationship between the mind (neuro) and language (linguistic) and how the combination of the two affects our body and behaviour (programming).
For any person that truly desires a change in their life it’s important to understand that our mindset is crucial in achieving our goals. Lets take a simple example like cooking. If you hate it, what are you thinking about – perhaps it takes up too much time, you feel like a slave etc. If you love it, what are you thinking about – the opportunity to create amazing food, the enjoyment of sharing a meal with your family. It’s the same task yet your past experiences with it and your current feeling about it will determine whether you hate it or love it – in short, your mindset determines your outcome.
What is your desired outcome?
How would you like to be able to:
- Remember the happy times you had with your child;
- Discover what is important to you about your child, your life, your relationships with others;
- Create a life where you honour your child and feel happy again; or
- Be aware of the sadness and allow the strong emotions to diminish into a place where you can live your life again.
When a child dies, there can be feelings of denial, sadness, anger, guilt, fear, relief, anxiety, abandonment or a sense of aloneness. These feelings can be very strong and can leave people confused and unable to manage everyday life. You may even begin to question the meaning of your own life after losing your child. In looking for answers you may feel very isolated from others who do not seem to understand or be able to help.
The importance of knowing where you’re headed
A study was once done on three groups of army personnel who were in relatively the same physical condition and were required to run the exact same ten-mile course. The first group was told they would be running ten miles and along the way they had one-mile markers. The second group was never told how far they would have to run and they had no markers. The last group was told they only had to run five miles. When they reached their five-mile mark, they were told they had five more to go – very cruel indeed. They weren’t being asked for anything more physically rigorous than the other groups, yet their expectations were completely different.
It isn’t difficult to imagine which group performed the best. The entire first group crossed the finish line, some with energy to spare. Several people from the second group did not make it. Having no idea what would be required of them or how to pace themselves, they were unprepared for the long haul. The third group did fine until they reached what they thought was the end, only to be told they still had a long way to go. Several of them dropped out.
Continue to Part 3
posted by Helena Denley at 3:11 pm
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